I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
