i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
