There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
