and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
