he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
