Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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