Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
