Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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