just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
