your parents love me but you hate me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
