he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
