i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
