which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
