That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
