Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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