my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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