My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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