And the cops told us we were all naked.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I need water and some morals
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
