I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
