you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
