How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
