just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
