He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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