If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
