Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
