I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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