I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
