Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
