and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
