woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
