do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just google imaged poop.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
