my phone needs a breathalizer
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
