Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
