i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
