I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
