I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
