who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
