she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
