Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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