My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
