NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
