left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
