did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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