I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
