He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
