She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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