i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
