i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
