I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
