WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
