Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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