I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
