I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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