Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
