The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
