worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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