she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
