It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
