I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
