I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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