Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
