Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
