apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
