suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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