That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
