whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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