the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
