just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
