his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
