I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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