every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
