We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
