Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
do nipples grow back?
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