Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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